Faith in your Partner
by Alice I
Summary: David struggles with his feelings after the team rescues Colby. Updated to reflect new cannon. December 3rd 2007Part one in a series of three stories.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Faith in your Partner  
**Author:** Alice I  
**Betas:** Serialgal, dHALL  
**Rating:** G  
**Spoilers:** Janius List, Trust Metric  
**Disclaimer: **I** _wish_** I owned them!

**A/N** - I loved the season opener but David's attitude really bothered me and I felt the need to explore this a little further than the show did in this first episode.  
What I am unsure of is whether or not I should continue with a part two and show a resolution of sorts between the two. If that is something you would like to see please let me know. I actually do have something in mind, but this felt like a good stopping point. Reviews are always welcome along with constructive comments. Please feel free to leave either.  
A/N at the end directed toward readers of 2headsRbetter

Faith in your Partner

David watched as Megan went into the ICU room to see Colby, his heart filled with anger and confusion. It had actually been harder for him to reconcile the fact that Colby was working deep under cover than to believe him a traitor to his country. The fact that Colby wasn't a traitor meant that David's vicious accusations, screamed in Colby's face, had been more than wrong. And, he knew that they must have made a difficult assignment nearly unbearable for the triple agent. But, it also meant that the friendship that they shared was nothing more than Colby's cover.

Their partnership had not been real, their friendship - false, and that fact fed David's personal feelings of betrayal and anger. The thought heavily weighed on his heart; he felt stifled, until he suddenly couldn't stand to look at him anymore. Turning on his heel, David left Colby lying there, with Megan at his side.

The bright California sun did nothing to lighten his thoughts as he walked away from the hospital toward the city. He had told Megan that right up until he saw that needle sticking out of Colby's chest he believed that the man was a traitor. He began to wonder if that was really true, or was it just easier to think _that_, than to think that the man who had become, for all intents and purposes, his best friend was something else all together. Something other than his friend.

David walked for hours not really knowing where he was going, nor caring. His thoughts were a jumble of fractured images, and a volatile mixture of emotions. They had, all of them, been investigated right after Colby's arrest. The fact that he was brought under suspicion because of Colby both angered and incensed him. He could clearly remember the accusing questions shouted at him by the Internal Affairs investigator.

_"He was your partner__Sinclair!  
You're telling me that you had no idea that Granger was selling classified secrets to the Chinese?  
What kind of partner was he... what kind of partner were you?  
Two years, Sinclair - Two years and this man pulled the wool over your eyes so completely that you never even suspected him? And you call yourself an FBI Agent? Federal Bureau of Idiots, maybe?"_

Without even realizing it, David found himself back at the hospital. It was nearly six in the evening and he was sure that Megan and Don would have long since left, yet he still walked to the elevators and punched the button for the second floor. He didn't plan on talking to Colby, he wouldn't have the first idea what to say to the man, but that didn't stop him from walking down the long corridor that led to his former partner. As he past the hospital personnel on his way to the ICU he felt as though he were walking in a dream; that none of this could possibly be real. It was a feeling that had persisted ever since Colby had first been arrested. He desperately wanted to wake up, but he knew he couldn't; he was trapped, held captive in a nightmare.

Stepping around the nursing station he approached the door to Colby's room just as a man in his late thirties or early forties was stepping out. His name badge read Doctor Michael Banwar. The doctor looked a little startled to see David approaching but didn't miss the fact that his eyes were riveted on the man lying in the bed just beyond the opened door.

"Excuse me, do you realize that the ICU visiting hours end in the next half an hour Mr...?"

David turned his attention back to the doctor addressing him. "Agent... David Sinclair. How's he doing?"

"We have his heart rhythm stabilized but the drugs used to paralyze and depresses his respiratory functions are still effecting him. Unfortunately that drug, Tubocurare, is interacting with another drug, Conucledynal Benzylate, which causes akathisia. This is putting a strain on his pulmonary and cardio vascular systems."

"What does that mean, doctor?"

"It means his heart doesn't like it. His body wants to move but it can't do that effectively. It is also still difficult for him to breathe so we have continued to give him oxygen. We are using a mask because a nasal cannula would be too painful for him at the moment."

David frowned at the doctor not really understanding why that would be. Dr. Banwar noticed his confusion which piqued his curiosity. "Are you Agent Granger's partner, Agent Sinclair?"

That question caught David completely off guard and he looked over at Colby with more pain and confusion in his heart than he thought possible. He answered the doctor's question but seemed to be addressing his answer to the man lying in the bed a few feet away rather than to the doctor standing directly in front of him.

"We used to be."

"Oh... I see, well Conucledynal Benzylate causes extreme sensitivity in the pain receptors as well as akathisia. When we have to do a blood test, for instance, the needle would feel more like an icepick to him and at this level of sensation, the nasal cannula would be simply unbearable. The mask is far less irritating. Coupled with the hallucinations that he has been intermittently experiencing we want to avoid any action that will cause further strain on his overtaxed cardiovascular system."

As David listened to the details of the effects of the chemical torture that Colby had endured he felt his stomach turn.

"How long will he be in this kind of pain?"

"Luckily these drugs will bleed out of his system in the next twenty four to thirty six hours. We just need to keep him stable until then. Go ahead and visit with him but keep it brief."

"Thank you, Doctor." David said as he slipped past the man and stepped into the room.

Colby was lying there with his eyes closed but David knew that he wasn't asleep. His hands were twitching and his feet kept shifting under the covers; their constant movement was a macabre contrast to the rest of his body, which was utterly still, like a marionette with oddly used strings. The effect was unnerving. Taking a deep breath, David stepped up to the side of the bed and waited. After a moment, with a resigned sigh, Colby slowly opened his eyes and looked up at David. He was able to move his head easily enough, so David assumed the the muscle paralysis was confined to the major muscle groups.

"They said you did CPR on me."

David didn't know what to say to this. He assumed that the _'they'_ Colby referred to was Don and Megan. Yes, he had preformed CPR, but what was Colby doing; thanking him? He hoped not. He didn't think he could take that.

"Yeah," he answered quietly.

"Why?"

David looked into Colby's eyes searching for some reason for him to say such a thing. "What?"

"Why save the life of a traitor?"

David stared at him, stunned. That was not what he had expected at all. He didn't know what he thought Colby might say to him, but that sure wasn't it.

"I know that you weren't... that you _aren't_ a traitor. I know that you were undercover."

Another resigned sigh followed David's rather stiff remark. Yeah, his name had been or was in the process of being cleared, but that wasn't what mattered to Colby at that moment.

"That's not what I meant."

David's mouth formed a thin line as if he were trying to hold back some sort of retort. All of the feelings of anger and betrayal roiled inside of him and fought for dominance over the horror and sympathy that he felt for a man who had very nearly sacrificed his life _for_ his country. The anger, a feeling that he had become very familiar with over the last five weeks, won the battle.

"I trusted you. I thought you were my friend; my partner. It was all just a lie, just a part of your cover. You pretended to be my partner, an FBI Agent and my best friend." David said with an air of defiance that even sounded hollow in his own ears.

Colby could clearly see the anger flashing in David's eyes, but he also saw regret and sympathy. It didn't matter; he didn't want pity from David or anyone else for that matter. When Don and Megan had come by to see him their visits had been stiff and awkward, they didn't seem to know what to say other than to get better soon. This open display of hostility from David was at least honest, but it served to make Colby realize how much this had hurt the other man. Colby knew there was nothing he could do to change the pain he caused David and of all the regrets he had associated with this assignment, that was one of the biggest.

"I didn't pretend to be an FBI agent, David. And I didn't pretend to be your friend."

"You lied to me, Colby! Friends don't lie to each other." David didn't realize that he had began shouting, but the nurse at the desk was not pleased and picked up the phone, dialing a number while looking at David crossly.

"You know that I couldn't tell you what I was doing. I never wanted this, David. This whole mess got dropped in my lap when I reported Dwayne to my superiors. I was following orders. I wasn't given much choice in the matter, but I also believed in what I was doing, that it was the right thing to do. David, it was my duty to see this thing through. I'm sorry for everything, I really am. It doesn't matter that you don't believe in me, because I still believe in you."

As he spoke the heart monitor had begun beeping faster and the rhythm sounded almost syncopated. Colby tried to take a deep breath when he finished speaking but it looked difficult for him and his face had broken out in a sweat, but before David could say anything or turn to call for help, Dr. Banwar stormed into the room with the charge nurse hot on his heels.

"Agent Sinclair, you need to leave now!"

And before David could even say a word, Dr. Banwar physically escorted him from the room. As soon as the door closed behind them the doctor lit into David with a vengeance.

"You come into the ICU, start an argument with my patient after I explained to you how tenuous his condition is and now his heart is racing and his rhythm is off again. I am giving orders that Agent Granger is not to have any more visitors, period. Now please leave this hospital."

David threw a worried look over the doctor's shoulder at Colby who seemed to be having difficulty breathing. "I didn't mean to..."

"Yes and neither did the other Agents who were here. I'll tell you, with friends like the lot this fellow has, he surely doesn't need enemies. Now please go so that I can attend to my patient."

David bowed his head in defeat. He wouldn't have thought it possible, but he left the ICU feeling worse than before he had arrived. He knew intellectually that his anger at Colby was wrong, he knew that the man had been acting on orders which came from high up in the government and his continued anger was making it harder on his partner. The problem, he had to admit, was the fact that over the last month or so he had become so accustomed to being angry that he wasn't sure how to turn it off.

As he stepped out into the parking garage a thought suddenly occurred to David. He had just thought of Colby Granger as his partner. The revelation stopped him dead in his tracks. Everything that he had said to Colby or about Colby over the last five weeks ran through his mind, making him feel sick to his stomach. What kind of partner was he? That's what the Internal Affairs investigator wanted to know, now it was also what he asked himself.

Colby had said that he still believed in him and how had he reacted? The man had come precariously close to making the ultimate sacrifice for his country and David had spat in his face, labeling him a traitor. He had accused him of deceit and treachery and hadn't given him an inch, not the smallest iota of trust. Colby said that he still believed in David but was that belief warranted? The question repeated itself in David's mind - '_What kind of partner were you?'_; what kind of friend was he for that matter? All of his righteous indignation over being betrayed by his best friend fell down when faced with the fact that he had never even thought that Colby was innocent. He never believed in Colby as a friend would have, he hadn't shown faith in him, either as his friend or as his partner.

David slid into the driver's seat of his car but he didn't turn the key in the ignition. The anger that he had been feeling dissipated under the onslaught of guilt that crashed over him. Dropping his forehead to the steering wheel he felt tears, long overdue, sting his eyes, and he wept.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Well you asked for a part two so here it is. No real fluffy happy endings however. This is not an issue that will be easily resolved.  
I would also like to say another special thanks to both Serialgal and dHALL who are wonderful beta's and great friends. They were very helpful in helping me wind up the end of this. Thanks girls!

Note - Kay Linne pointed out to me that the spelling on two items was incorrect. I got my information from someone else on the Numb3rs Crunching list and had no real way to verify her spelling so I do appreciate the heads up. The two words misspelled in the first part were akathisia (the sensation of wanting to move) and tubocurare (the name of the first drug that was given to Colby). If there are further misspellings of the drugs that were mentioned in Trust Metric and you know (for certain) the correct spellings please let me know and I will adjust the copy again. Thank you.  
Alice I

**Faith in your Partner - Part Two  
Family First**

When they showed up the next morning to see Colby, Don and Megan were none too pleased to find out that visitation had been revoked and that David had been practically thrown out of the hospital the previous evening. Heading straight to the office, Don was ready to give David a serious dressing down, but held off as soon as he saw him. David looked as though he hadn't slept in days; his eyes were bloodshot and his voice sounded deeper than usual. Megan did not show the same reserve as her team lead, however, and rounded on him before Don could say anything.

"What the hell did you do to Colby last night?" She didn't even give the man a chance to answer before she fired another round at him.  
"Look, this has been hard on all of us, David. And your attitude is starting to piss me off just a little. I don't like the fact that Colby lied to us for the last two years, but what exactly did he lie about? He had a job to do; he was working undercover trying to ferret out the mole and had to protect that cover. But that doesn't mean that every moment of every day was a lie or that his friendship was a lie. Maybe you just need to get over yourself long enough to see the big picture!"

Don held up his hands to try to calm Megan down saying, "Whoa, Megan, Now just hold on a minute..."

Megan turned on him with fire in her eyes.  
"No, you hold on! Neither one of you was willing to talk about this or how it made us all feel. Maybe if we had discussed what this case really meant to us, we could have gotten to him sooner. Maybe we would have Lancer in custody instead of in a body bag! Maybe we would have been able to find out who else Lancer was working with inside of the DOJ. So no, Don, don't tell me to hold on a minute. I have held my tongue long enough!"

Megan turned on her heel and stalked off to the break room with both Don and David looking after her. This thing was getting out of control and it was tearing the team apart. Don had to make sure that didn't happen but with emotions running so high he knew that was going to be a tall order. It was time for some leadership and with that thought firmly in mind he turned to David.

"Meeting in the conference room; five minutes."

Without waiting for a reply, he walked away to the break room to tell Megan the same thing. Moving off to the conference room ahead of the others, Don stood staring at the large screen against the far wall trying to gather his thoughts when he looked down and saw something sitting on the table. David waited for Megan to leave the break room before going in to get a cup of coffee for himself as well; then they both made their way to the conference room separately. When they were all there and the door was closed, Don turned toward them clutching the pages he had picked up.

Both Megan and David were looking at what Don was holding in his hand and he brought the papers up to their eye level before slowly dropping them to the table.

"Charlie's 'Trust Metric'." He looked up into the eyes of each of his team members before continuing. "Charlie said these pages didn't contain anything we don't already know in our hearts, but I wonder now if he was right. Have we all forgotten that we are a team - a family? Have we decided that 'family first' no longer applies? Oddly enough, it is something Colby said to me before all of this happened that comes to mind. He said _'The way I see it, if you have a team you need to trust them.'_ I'm just as guilty of failing _our_ Trust Metric as anyone. I stopped trusting Colby after the first time we met Dwayne Carter and the team has suffered for that. Colby was... Colby _is_ a member of this team and it's time we started acting like a team again."

Don turned his attention to his profiler and said, "Megan I know that you have been upset, even a little jaded ever since your assignment with the DOJ..." Megan opened her mouth to voice an objection but Don cut her off. "Hey I'm just calling it like I see it; pretty much like you just did out there - in a more public manner."

His words made her close her mouth and look somewhat contrite. "I don't want to know the details of your assignment unless I have to, or unless you _want_ to talk about it. What I'm saying, is that you need to put that experience behind you. You are home now and among family, so let your guard down a little."

Then Don turned to David. "David, you have been so... angry since all of this began. I understand, I really do. But it has changed the type of agent you are. You are not the same man who joined this team three years ago. You have lost your objectivity because you are allowing that anger to consume you. This team needs to have _that_ David back; the guy who could look at a situation calmly and find an answer that doesn't break any rules. You need to see someone to get this worked out so, I'm _telling_ you to make an appointment with one of the department psychologists."

At the sharp look he received from David, Don said, "Hey, I have an appointment with Bradford myself, and don't think for a minute that I won't be talking about this and how it is affecting my work. Just do it, David."

After a pause to let his words sink in Don continued. "I spoke with AD Wright early this morning. Colby's name is cleared of all charges and his mother was notified last night of what has happened with him. That was one of the things I was going to tell him this morning when I went to the hospital. I'll go back later and speak with his doctor to explain the situation so that he will allow me to talk to Colby."

David interrupted him, "Don, I want to go with you. I want to... I _need_ to talk to him. I have to try and clear the air between us. You're right, I do need to see someone and that's why I have already contacted a department shrink and made an appointment; you'll find the notice in your e-mail. This is something I need to do, Don."

Don looked at David critically for a moment, and he could see the fact that the man was torn, but he also understood why. He caught the earnestness in David's eyes, and decided it was time to extend the sense of trust to him, also.

"All right, if you haven't totally pissed off this doctor and he allows you to see Colby, I'll back you up. Also, you may want to tell him that his mom is flying into LA sometime tomorrow morning. It's the first flight out that she could get."

The first hint of a real smile that Don had seen on David's face in nearly six weeks was like a ray of hope for his team and he began to feel like they were going to come out of this experience whole and intact. Megan was also smiling and for just a moment, everything seemed right in the world.

It took Don some slick talking and not a small amount of diplomacy to get Dr. Banwar to allow David anywhere near Colby again. The team leader was very pleased to hear that most of the drugs had bled out of Colby's system, and his heart rhythms were now stable enough that the doctor was considering moving him to a private room on the subacute floor. If he maintained his heart rhythm after David's visit and his labs and EKG came back normal, then the move to the subacute floor would take place immediately afterward.

David felt an odd mixture of tension and trepidation as he approached Colby's room. He could see that his partner was awake and reading something. He stood hovering uncertainly in the doorway for a moment trying to figure out what he was going to say and failing miserably. He was relieved of the necessity of finding an opening statement when Colby called out to him.

"You just gonna stand there, or are ya gonna come in?"

David took a step into the room but seemed hesitant to come any closer. Colby shook his head slightly and sighed. It seemed like not much had changed since the previous evening.

"Why're you here, David?"

Resolutely stepping forward to the bed David placed a small white bag on the table within Colby's reach. Colby looked at the bag for a moment, his eyes a mixture of emotions; then a small smile curved the corners of his mouth.

"Raspberry jelly donut?"

David bowed his head to hide his own feelings but looked up again when Colby spoke.

"You know that I couldn't tell you. You _do_ know that, don't you?"

David took a seat next to the bed and sighed deeply. "I'll be honest with you..." He stopped and grinned at the unintentional barb. _"Honestly,_ I'm having some problems with all of this. I know that you did what you had to do; I know that here." he said, pointing to his head. "Where I'm having some problems with it, is here." This time David pointed to his chest. "Don told us that you said to him that you have to trust the members of your team, but it's more than trust, it's faith - faith in your partner. I didn't have that faith and I'm not sure why. We were tight, we were friends, man. And now... I just don't know how much of that was real and how much of it was your cover."

Colby had been thinking about this a lot. He knew that David had a problem with this; he knew that Don and Megan had accepted everything, but they still felt awkward around him, and he knew that it would take time to heal these wounds. He also knew that he probably wouldn't be here much longer. Once he was medically released he would have to await re-assignment, but he wasn't sure how he viewed that. It might be easier to go somewhere else and start over fresh with no history. The problem was that over the last two years he had come to feel like LA was home and these people were like his family. What he wanted most was to have that back again, but he knew that wasn't likely to happen. It wasn't David's fault that he was working as a triple agent, nor was it David's fault that he had been lied to for the last two years. It _**was**_ Colby's fault for getting so close to David, for getting so comfortable here with this team in this place.

He knew going in that he should have remained objective and not become too attached. That part of this was on him, and he had come to recognize that. Still, he felt some measure of anger that his former teammates seemed to be dwelling on his deception over the last two years rather than focusing on the fact that he was following orders or recognizing his sacrifice in this. He had given up his life for this mission; he had almost died in accomplishing it. And now, he was feeling guilty about the awkwardness that these other people were experiencing because of _his_

"No more duty can be urged upon those who are entering the great theater of life than simple loyalty to their best convictions."

"How's that?"

Colby looked up at David and sighed. "It's a quote by Edwin Hubbel Chapin and it's something that I believe in. I did what I knew was right, David. I won't apologize for that. I don't regret doing my duty, but I do regret hurting you. What I shared with you, as your friend, was as real as anything I have ever done or believed in. I told you yesterday that I didn't pretend to be your friend or your partner. Yes, I lied to you, but not about the things that really matter."

David sat quietly for a moment not willing to respond or not knowing what to say, Colby wasn't sure which. Finally, David shook his head slightly and began speaking while looking off into the corner of the room.

"As an agent and a law enforcement officer I can respect what you did and I do understand why you had to lie to me."

"Why do I hear a 'but' comin'?"

David looked over at the man lying before him and for a moment all he saw was Colby's lifeless body lying on the floor of that freighter and he had to shake his head to dispel the image.

"I've been so angry for so long. I told you things... private things... things I wouldn't have shared with you if I had known who you really were. That feeling of betrayal is still with me because of that, Colby. I really am glad that you're gonna be okay, but this is gonna take me some time to work through. I don't know what else I can say."

Colby had hoped for more; he missed David, but he couldn't blame him either. "Well, I suppose that's all there is to say other than I'm sorry, David. I never wanted to hurt anyone, especially you. I really _did_ consider you my best friend... and I still do."

David looked on incredulously. How could Colby consider him his 'best friend' and still have lied to him for two years? There was no point in getting into another argument with the man so he simply stood and said, "Take care of yourself, man." and he turned to leave. When he got to the door he turned back. "Your mom is flying in and should be here by tomorrow morning."

Colby had a sad sort of smile and said, "Yeah, I know, she called last night when she found out where I was." He paused for a moment and looked at the white bag that David had brought for him, no longer even remotely interested in his favorite confection. "Thanks for the donut."

David knew that this hadn't gone the way either of them really wanted, but he didn't know how else to feel or what else he could say. He had told Colby the truth about what he was feeling but it didn't seem to help fill the void that still existed in his heart. He tapped the door frame with his fist and bowed his head as he repeated, "Take care of yourself, Colby."

In a moment he was gone and Colby felt as if he had lost something precious - just one more sacrifice for God and Country. He was working out his own anger over this assignment and what it had cost him. Five generations of honor, duty and following orders; that's what he had told Megan that fateful day nearly six weeks ago.

Looking back now, he couldn't help but wonder if he had really known the consequences of following these orders… of doing his duty… and would he do it again if he were given a choice? Shaking his head, Colby picked up the white bag that David had brought him. He held it for a moment, and then tossed it forcefully into the garbage can next to the bed. No. Some prices were just too high. And there were some things, valuable, irreplaceable things…that once broken, could never be fully restored. But a small piece of his heart hoped that somehow, his friendship with David wasn't; that some how, some day, they would rekindle that friendship again.

End 


End file.
